Scanless

I was telling my roommate that it may be time to live life a little "scanless" (scandolous for those don't speak Fab). This whole having strict morals thing is not exactly working out. I mean if you have to be miserable why be broke and lonely. For me, I cannot not let everyone pray in my temple. But the thought of spending another boring night looking at other single women really disgust me. Uggh! Life is about choices. So I choose to be a little more "scanless" in life, maybe that danger can light the fire that has so far been extinguished.

Twitter

So I never really paid attention to Twitter but I'm slowly being seduced by it.

I mainly follow celebrities. (My favorite is @myfabolouslife, so cute and I got a crush on him cuz he's funny and I like his style)...you get to hear all the dumb shit people think cuz they tell you every 30 seconds. But I like the trend topics


Anywayz the point is FOLLOw ME @ twiitter.com/THEDALLESIA

The Quiet Before...

I am starting to not recognize what exactly I am becoming. I know who I am now but I can't help but feel a bit stagnant. I'm so uninspired. I have ambition but hell I am an artist, so where there is no inspiration there is no soul for me. My life has begun to have no familiarity. I don't know any of the smells, the faces, the sounds that surround me. Yet I have not met what is to come. Something is on its way to me. What it is I don't know.. But I'm waiting.... Patiently waiting.

Cuffin for a Reason and Not a Season

So as you know the climate is increasingly decreasing which can mean only one thing........The beginning of "couples" season. In New York, there is a certain cycle that can be summed up as "Labor Day Love, St. Patrick's Day Dump". After September, everyone that has been basically ho-ing all summer begins to frantically rummage to find a mate before it gets too cold to be just strolling the streets. Summertime crushes disappear into reality as people come off of vacation and go others go back to the dreary days of school and work. blah blah.

This is officially a "FML" situation for me.

Unfortunately, i have been occupied for the last two snowed in winters and have been suffering the drought since frickin July. Now I am not strangers to breaking up (for the first time I had to admit that I was dumped Ouch) but this is ridiculous. Now I am not saying that I dont get attention (Yes I'm cute. :-) but I have zero tolerance. While many of my friends are desperately trying to forgive cheating boyfriends, accepting date from bruthas with no jobs, or simply taking whatever they can get... I just can't. I can't see myself putting up with a newer version of the previous two emotionally unstable, intellectually barren, fidelity challenged, fertile loined, and parental issue plagued version of the tsunamis (better known as Jerrell Antoine Horton and Devan Bradley Modeste). Even though I have made my peace and even accepted that no matter what i will always love them both, (Jerrell and I are actually genuine friends...Shocking!), I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE believe the THIRD time is a charm. Which creates a bit of a dilemma and maybe even a contradiction. It gets lonely being single and a city of 8 million and yes I have to admit that I would rather not sleep alone (and see my roommate have sex in my room) but if the alternative is accepting pain, then I will be lonely many more nights. Hell after all I have been through, I know I deserve better than what I have given myself. That is the thing about having standards, many times no one will live up to them. But mine are basic.... Attractive, No kids, Job, No Middle Aged Ex Girlfriends that who Subsequently live with, No FB and Myspace Baggers, Don't Cheat and Doesn't Mind a Black Latina with a smart ass mouth but a heart of gold.


Now is that too much for a girl to ask for?


Lol....I'm still single, so I guess so.



Peace.... B. D.

It is Starting to Creep Me Out

Every night I have dreams of heights and a body of water with guest appearances from my (non existent) children. I am acrophohobic in my dreams and greatly afraid of the water. Strange because in life I am not afraid. Of heights and can swim. Although drowning is one of greatest fears, it is a slow, terribly painful way to die.... I know why I am dreaming of life and death but it is starting to crawl under my skin and may be the reason why I get up so early in the morning. ( I used to never be up before noon)


My thoughts are haunting me, I hope it doesn't mean what I think it can...

Random Thought

When you have no hair in the front, is it considered receeding or receeded?

The Big 2-0

Everyone thinks turning 20 is so insignificant because you can't legally drink in this country til you are 21 but it is really more of a milestone. Sunday, September 6th at 10:37 a.m., it will mark 20 years of life. It has been quite a ride thus far, my life the last twenty years has been one dirty, filthy, fantastic and emotional journey and I could die today and know that I have lived. Life is funny like that.
I just want to thank all the people that had an effect and the most important person that has rode with me literally since day one, my mother. There were times I hated, adored, plotted her demise, wished I could be just like her and look at her in amazement. She is the only reason that I am alive. Period.

SO sunday is the beginning of the next 20 years of life....only difference is this time I am an adult and my life will be solely what I make it.

I just hope I don't fuck up...

...well at least not too bad.

Hell at this point, I have been arrested, switched school and careers twice, got high, partied, in debt, live in Brooklyn, and survived the streets of Chicago (all areas might I add)...not too much I can do that will be new.


So museltof, it's a celebration bitches!


BTW: To the young man that broke my Sidekick LX....I'm on that Blackberry steez now. I'm grown. I'm off that. :-) Muah!


Signing off,

Dallesia Jasmine Verges Payton....That's Barbie to you.

Some are Seasons

They say people in your life are seasons and anything that happens is for a reason.


That I believe wholeheartedly but I can't help but wonder where it all goes. When you know longer know someone, where does that feeling goes. Living in New York, I have yet to have a consistent human interaction with anyone. From my initial friends that I no longer know to the characters that recently floated in and out of my life this summer. It has me wondering if you are genuine about a relationship with a person, whether it be friendship or whatever where does that go?

I don't know, for me it is a haunting reminder that life is too short and to appreciate someone every second of every moment that you have them. It may be your last. It may be their last.

.....or worst, you can know that somewhere they are living not thinking about you.


Ehh it was just a thought



---Barbie