As a young woman of a certain age and that's post puberty, I hear a lot of stories about young men. I mean it's no secret that women talk (obsess) about men but the greatest component of these talks are the radical discussions about sex. I hate that even after the Sex and the City era, it is still taboo for women to talk about sex. Let me explain and make it clear to the simpler species (particularly men and church ladies) that you are being reviewed everytime you decide to lay down with a person. Satisfactory, unsatisfactory, jack rabbit, tongue thruster, etc.; it's a reputation that can follow you forever. Be safe, be smart, be conscious, and be aware that if you did not put out your best, she told her girlfriends.
Let me tell you a story,
One lazy Saturday in Times Square, a young aspiring social decided to browse the $10 music shelves at a quite popular music venue. Not expecting to be bothered, she was approached by what she believed to be a teenager, turned out it was an employee. Off the bat, she knew that there was little monetary value in this little fellow but in desperate need of new conquest, she decided to do the unthinkable. Never does she ever give out the mainline, people stalk these days, but give him her number she did. She left feeling as if he would be cool as long as he kept his mouth shut. What was the purpose of him speaking? He would have been better off handing her a business card with his measurements and the results of his last clinic visit. This is New York, you never know, especially someone that is fresh off the immigration boat. But I digress.......
One afternoon over lunch, she explained to me that she got a strange text from this DV character. First of all, he waited two days which is like the oldest trick in the book. But tricks are for kids and this was definitely a kid. Anywayz, this DV character was a little devoid of personality but like I said who was thinking about talking. I understand where she was coming from, it was winter and that is an excellent way to accumulate heat. Plus, we were all trying to get it all in before we returned to the cornfields of the Midwest. I will say that there is something in the water in New York. Days later, a few texts turned into a few AIM conversations which turned into an awkward sleepover. So this DV character, seemed to be a yacht sailing on the Carribean breeze. It was like getting the my size Barbie doll on Christmas when every other girl got the regular doll. I was happy for her (and slightly jealous), she had found a true gem.
So........
Due to the fact that anything flying out of the New York had been pathetically delayed, I, like her, was stuck in Brooklyn for the remainder of the weekend which was the cherry on top of my Sunday. I was ready to leave behind my semester that consisted of a twisted menage a trois (metaphorically speaking) that I had participated in unwillingly. But at least, she would have time to play her new toy, some girls always seem to get so lucky. So while I was toasting to my final days of 2008 that I spent in New York, she was contemplating another rendezvous on the Caribbean Sea. I cheered her on, I encourage all exploitation of male sexuality. When she gets there, she would experience something that happens to eighty percent of women in their lifetime.
So this DV character lives in Brooklyn, Brooklyn boys have a reputation for talking shit. It is a crap shoot as to whether it turns out to be as good as they say it is. But considering he isn't really from Brooklyn, the offer seemed authentic. I was skeptical but I would never discourage anyone from getting the cutty, I'm never a player hater. But I will say I had my doubts. Who wants to take the subway at 1:00 in the morning? But we have all been there at least once. She gets there and awkward cannot even begin to describe the tension in the air. TO make this long story short, he pops this "official" bullshit. I guess to get in but that shit played out with incents. She entertains him, you want to say anything that will keep his flag swaying in the wind. She prepares herself for a long trip on his yacht. (Sorry that was the best metaphor I could give) Unfortunately, this trip was a little shorter than she had expected.
It starts to get hot and heavy, the yacht was just starting to pull out of the dock. the breeze was beautiful and she moved her body to the rhythm of the yacht. Just as she got into the groove, this two bit negro woke her up out of her pleasant dream. Turns out his cruise ship was simply a sailboat. Like this imposter couldn't even put in a good ten minutes before he was ready to roll his lazy ass over and go to sleep. Appalled and a little freaked out, she called me and I was disgusted. Now I believe in working with anyone but something like that can only be fixed with that little blue pill. Goddamn, he was only 19, apparently his junk was aging in dog years. Is this what the world has come to?? A world where guys that are barely out of puberty cannot even put in a decent amount of work. Poor thang, he was a fraud, a simple case of false advertisement. He should have labeled himself. WARNING: THIS APPEARS TO BE BETTER THAN IT IS. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
Effing imposter, smh, this really is a recession. Damn a girl cannot even depend on a good late night gentleman call. Damn shame, he didn't even get it out the gate. The worst part is that he blamed it on nerves. I wanted to be supportive but deep inside I was dying laughing. This young black Carribean man had zero game and used the oldest lines in the book. He had more excuses than a pregnant lesbian on Maury. Apparently Brooklyn doesn't always go hard.
Note to Self: Never pick up weird employees in a music store in Times Square. SMH
"He had a yacht with sailboat potential."
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