Scanless

I was telling my roommate that it may be time to live life a little "scanless" (scandolous for those don't speak Fab). This whole having strict morals thing is not exactly working out. I mean if you have to be miserable why be broke and lonely. For me, I cannot not let everyone pray in my temple. But the thought of spending another boring night looking at other single women really disgust me. Uggh! Life is about choices. So I choose to be a little more "scanless" in life, maybe that danger can light the fire that has so far been extinguished.

Twitter

So I never really paid attention to Twitter but I'm slowly being seduced by it.

I mainly follow celebrities. (My favorite is @myfabolouslife, so cute and I got a crush on him cuz he's funny and I like his style)...you get to hear all the dumb shit people think cuz they tell you every 30 seconds. But I like the trend topics


Anywayz the point is FOLLOw ME @ twiitter.com/THEDALLESIA

The Quiet Before...

I am starting to not recognize what exactly I am becoming. I know who I am now but I can't help but feel a bit stagnant. I'm so uninspired. I have ambition but hell I am an artist, so where there is no inspiration there is no soul for me. My life has begun to have no familiarity. I don't know any of the smells, the faces, the sounds that surround me. Yet I have not met what is to come. Something is on its way to me. What it is I don't know.. But I'm waiting.... Patiently waiting.

Cuffin for a Reason and Not a Season

So as you know the climate is increasingly decreasing which can mean only one thing........The beginning of "couples" season. In New York, there is a certain cycle that can be summed up as "Labor Day Love, St. Patrick's Day Dump". After September, everyone that has been basically ho-ing all summer begins to frantically rummage to find a mate before it gets too cold to be just strolling the streets. Summertime crushes disappear into reality as people come off of vacation and go others go back to the dreary days of school and work. blah blah.

This is officially a "FML" situation for me.

Unfortunately, i have been occupied for the last two snowed in winters and have been suffering the drought since frickin July. Now I am not strangers to breaking up (for the first time I had to admit that I was dumped Ouch) but this is ridiculous. Now I am not saying that I dont get attention (Yes I'm cute. :-) but I have zero tolerance. While many of my friends are desperately trying to forgive cheating boyfriends, accepting date from bruthas with no jobs, or simply taking whatever they can get... I just can't. I can't see myself putting up with a newer version of the previous two emotionally unstable, intellectually barren, fidelity challenged, fertile loined, and parental issue plagued version of the tsunamis (better known as Jerrell Antoine Horton and Devan Bradley Modeste). Even though I have made my peace and even accepted that no matter what i will always love them both, (Jerrell and I are actually genuine friends...Shocking!), I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE believe the THIRD time is a charm. Which creates a bit of a dilemma and maybe even a contradiction. It gets lonely being single and a city of 8 million and yes I have to admit that I would rather not sleep alone (and see my roommate have sex in my room) but if the alternative is accepting pain, then I will be lonely many more nights. Hell after all I have been through, I know I deserve better than what I have given myself. That is the thing about having standards, many times no one will live up to them. But mine are basic.... Attractive, No kids, Job, No Middle Aged Ex Girlfriends that who Subsequently live with, No FB and Myspace Baggers, Don't Cheat and Doesn't Mind a Black Latina with a smart ass mouth but a heart of gold.


Now is that too much for a girl to ask for?


Lol....I'm still single, so I guess so.



Peace.... B. D.

It is Starting to Creep Me Out

Every night I have dreams of heights and a body of water with guest appearances from my (non existent) children. I am acrophohobic in my dreams and greatly afraid of the water. Strange because in life I am not afraid. Of heights and can swim. Although drowning is one of greatest fears, it is a slow, terribly painful way to die.... I know why I am dreaming of life and death but it is starting to crawl under my skin and may be the reason why I get up so early in the morning. ( I used to never be up before noon)


My thoughts are haunting me, I hope it doesn't mean what I think it can...

Random Thought

When you have no hair in the front, is it considered receeding or receeded?

The Big 2-0

Everyone thinks turning 20 is so insignificant because you can't legally drink in this country til you are 21 but it is really more of a milestone. Sunday, September 6th at 10:37 a.m., it will mark 20 years of life. It has been quite a ride thus far, my life the last twenty years has been one dirty, filthy, fantastic and emotional journey and I could die today and know that I have lived. Life is funny like that.
I just want to thank all the people that had an effect and the most important person that has rode with me literally since day one, my mother. There were times I hated, adored, plotted her demise, wished I could be just like her and look at her in amazement. She is the only reason that I am alive. Period.

SO sunday is the beginning of the next 20 years of life....only difference is this time I am an adult and my life will be solely what I make it.

I just hope I don't fuck up...

...well at least not too bad.

Hell at this point, I have been arrested, switched school and careers twice, got high, partied, in debt, live in Brooklyn, and survived the streets of Chicago (all areas might I add)...not too much I can do that will be new.


So museltof, it's a celebration bitches!


BTW: To the young man that broke my Sidekick LX....I'm on that Blackberry steez now. I'm grown. I'm off that. :-) Muah!


Signing off,

Dallesia Jasmine Verges Payton....That's Barbie to you.

Some are Seasons

They say people in your life are seasons and anything that happens is for a reason.


That I believe wholeheartedly but I can't help but wonder where it all goes. When you know longer know someone, where does that feeling goes. Living in New York, I have yet to have a consistent human interaction with anyone. From my initial friends that I no longer know to the characters that recently floated in and out of my life this summer. It has me wondering if you are genuine about a relationship with a person, whether it be friendship or whatever where does that go?

I don't know, for me it is a haunting reminder that life is too short and to appreciate someone every second of every moment that you have them. It may be your last. It may be their last.

.....or worst, you can know that somewhere they are living not thinking about you.


Ehh it was just a thought



---Barbie

RIP Kelly

Motorcyclist killed on West Side
August 15, 2009 10:08 PM | 3 Comments | UPDATED STORY
A motorcyclist was killed when he collided with a car less than three miles from his West Side home this afternoon.

The motorcyclist was in an accident with a car about 5 p.m. at the intersection of Ferdinand and Hamlin streets in East Garfield Park, Chicago Police News Affairs Officer Kevin Kilmer said.

The motorcyclist was identified as Kelley Murdock, 35, according to the Cook County medical examiner's office.

Murdock died less than an hour later at Mt. Sinai Hospital, according to the medical examiner's office.

Saturday night Murdock's wrecked Suzuki motorcycle and a damaged white Buick sedan could still be seen at the intersection.

Murdock lived in West Humboldt Park, worked as a barber and had two young daughters and a wife, according to his landlord, Manuel Gomez.

His family could not immediately be reached for comment tonight.

--Kim Janssen

Correction: Kelly has a son and a young daughter...Kelly and Daja.... no wife

Minnie Ripperton and I Just Want to Be Free

I am somewhere between broken and being put back together... and it is frightening and exciting at the same time. On one end, I am moving away from the life I initially came to know here in the inglorious city of New York. On the other end, I am building a new life from ground zero. New friends, new hair (LOL), new outlook, new persona and I am afraid and excited. To be frank, my ex boyfriend was the last string to my previous New York life. As much as I am sadden to leave them both, I am like a wide eyed baby doll looking at this city and my youth as an infinite possibility to be ok with being me.

To Be or Not To Be?

I have been wondering about the rules of attraction....

When you are a female, which is more important: to be physically beautiful or charming?

I always knew that you more with sugar than you do with vinegar but I'm not exactly sure what is the "it" factor. I have seen plain and even ugly women reel in the weaker species, other known as men, and I'm amazed. I guess if you are lacking in one area, you have to compensate in others. But I personally know that there is a lot that goes in to looking good and to be beat out by someone less attractive, well that is just plain unfair. (LOL)... I'm no charmer, so personally I know that anyone who dates me is superficial. Guys are usually amazed by how interesting I am and I do have a certain "Je ne sais quoi," but I wonder sometimes what they really want. Being docile is a trait that I see is quite appealing, it's like the cute puppy thing but I can never achieve that with my boca grande. Let's face it, I am a Black woman with Spanish descent, try to quiet the riot and endure my wrath. (LOL, just ask my ex boyfriends). Even though, I think i might get over on people a bit easier if I dumbed myself down, I have a hard time playing charades. It is cheesy to say but someone should like/love/want you for who you are and not what you look like or can potray....


Another thought from me


Be original

----- The Barbie Life

He Said "......." when I said "I love you"

‘Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will’

Situation

I totally just got dumped... unofficially.

Whoo!

---So u kissed me, that was like taking a bullet.


--------- I'm still brave though.

Dear Summer

"I know you gon miss me, for we been together like Nike Airs and crisp tees."

"To my beloved, think we need some time away"

"They say if you love it, then you should let it out its cage"

"Though it's tugging at my heart....but this time apart is needed."


It's funny how sometimes a metaphor can be so literal in someone else's perception

Quote..Remember it!

Urban Pharmaceutical Representative = Drug Dealer

Lol. Thanks Dane!

Good and Bad Hair

Ok so I recently just recovered from a dye job where I started to hyperventilate because I thought that I would have to pull an Amber Rose (Personally I think I got the face for it :-))..... I got to thinking about good and bad hair.

Today's woman is a bit more daring than our grandmothers and in some cases our mothers. My mother grew up in the 80's and had the asymetrical cut so I was born to be wild. But I'm on the fence about this bald sides phase.

-Cassie
-La La
-Rihanna
-Amber Rose

.....Dare to be bald ladies (But realize that everyone is talking about you behind your back. :-)

This Shit Betta Work Out

After being here in New York for a year and after all the BS I endured to get here and stay here, this shit betta work out.

I want the life, not the one that I have. I dont know what I am really chasing because the goal becomes different everyday. I just want to be successful....successfully happy. Right now, nothing seems to be functionally in any way that is right. To make a long story short, I 'm just in hell and my ethics is declining because I have to get what I want.

- So far, my school has me pigeon holed in this debt, I'm not even sure what the hell I am paying my soul for. I sold my soul to (expletive) AI and for what?

- How could I love someone who so blatantly showed me that I wasn't worth his time. Someone who abandoned me on the street barefoot crying and crazy. I have been dying for the last days, full of regrets and wondering what if. Bottomline is that I blamed him for cheating on me, I blamed him for making me, I blamed him for my black eye, I blamed him for having to make a life choice... I even blamed his ex girlfriend for making this monster. But nah I blame me. I blame me for staying so long, for loving so hard, for giving what I didnt have, for losing my sanity and who I was. For being so weak to where I wasn't even important enough to take care of me. You live, you love and sometimes you learn. But trust you won't be the baddest I ever had. I was told I was the second to be loved, well he was the second to destroy me. I survived last time,all in due time....yeah I was right I love you but hell somewhere I'm selfish and I love me more.

- "I know my mother wish she got a (expletive) abortion. She don't even love me like she did when I was younger, sucking on her chest to stop my (expletive) hunger."..... This shit betta work out cuz to be honest, I don't have anywhere to go, at least not in my mind.


- Nothing in life is for free. I realize that I trusted my environment too quickly. You never know anyone til you live with them. I see how the most repulsive thing about me to someone else is me being myself. I cant hold my tongue and my patience, I dont have it, I need to lay down in peace. Not in aggravation, irritation and with someone monitoring me while I piss and when I touch an object in my room. It's not you, it's me.

- What the hell made me impulse buy? Lord I'm not sure what my hair looks like but part of me is laughing at myself.... another reaction to a bad breakup. Mirror Mirror on the Wall who's the dumbest one of them all.

- Don't answer that.

- After going through life threatening altercations, sick mornings, image changes, thousands of mile, millions of tears, tens of thousands of dollars, insomnia,....and the rest of life that has been wasted, this shit betta work out.




---- signing off,
Dallesia

Truth

We all have a special need. It can bring out the best yet worst in us.

Free Xone........

Boy meets boy

Boy loses boy

Boy gets cute boy back


Girl meets girl

Girl loses girl

Girl gets cute girl back


Boy meets girl

Boy loses girl

Boy gets cute girl back



Girl meets boy

Girl loses boy

Girl gets cute girl back

Maybe Tomorrow

Since I never thought I would wake up a day and there not be a Michael Jackson on this Earth, it got me thinking about tomorrow. It's cliche to say that it isn't promise. But I am not a child, I know that.

What about my tomorrow, will my tomorrow be anything like the yesteryears when the hardest decision I had to make was what to wear.

Tomorrrow for me is just another road I will travel that willl either prolong or finally changed my life forever....again.

Dam I am so sick of changing my life forever. I am tired of not leaving an invisible existence. I do not have fortune and fame, maybe that is the universe's way of keeping a completely combustible girl like me in a realm of self destruction.
I never hurt anyone but myself, so I am intrigued as to why there is always someone or something at my door testing my ticking time bomb


Maybe tomorrow, I will wake up and all of my problems will be solved or I will wake feeling as if my existence means more than it has of yet. Soon, there will be no more of me left. I have lost my strength, sense of direction, morality, let's be honest dignity, and part of my spark has been extinguished by horrible taste in human beings.

Maybe tomorrow, I won't end someone's life.... but I have to....so which one of your lives shall it be. Either way I am a delayed daffodil in a weed infested garden. (Didn't catch the metaphor? Don't worry you weren't meant to get it.)

Self-Destruction.

Maybe I am too hard on myself but I always thought that ultimately every individual is responsible for their fate.

and tomorrow I will choose my life.

Maybe tomorrow, the world will change but if it doesn't I will always know that I have you... cause I always have.

Black and Blue..... but still.

Dallesia.

Strong.

Determined.

going to live.. not sure whether it will be just me I have to be responsible for.

frustrated with life.

willing to love (every superhero has a weakness)

loves you but Yo no puedo.

alive.

beautiful, black eye and all.....

care, blue heart and all......

in school.

looking at the facts of life.

angry.

amorous.

cry...a little.

my sheets smell like someone who I cannot name and will not because then that makes this whole thing real and not just a bad dream.

replaying the last two days in my mind.

wants the money/the money, the cars/the cars, the hoes??? umm not that part but I just want to/ I just want to be successful.

not over you.

had to delete text messages.

still P.

Did I mention I still have a black eye? Oh I thought so.

looking at me and hell I still smile

My name is Dallesia and i came to get it.

What the hell is a Thursday?

I'm so effin bored that I actually did my frickin laundry, this coming from a girl that wont repeat an outfit in a month....but at least my panties are Gain fresh.

So I am listening to someone explain the ass cheek cleavage.... oh emm gee like what has happened to my life. I no longer am entertained.

Heartburn.

Man I'm just waiting to get outta here.

What a Douche Bag Weekend....

Phase I: My Boyfriend

.... He made me cry. *insert sad face*

Phase II: The BBQ
-we got lost....I wasted two miles of my life.
-What the hell is the Lower East Side?
answer: Where they stash spanish people and rats.

-Who were the army of skanks? Someone had to have herpes... I could feel it in the air.

-Ok so dude where's my piece of chicken?

-did he just cover up my text message?.... frickin douchebag.

- Oh you think I'm cute, where the hell is my piece of chicken?

-We are so outta here, wait, where's my glasses??

Bitch betta not have stole my Pradas.

-What the eff is the M146 bus??

-Delancey?? oh no Delancey here...just rats.

-Mickey D's.... *insert heaven sound*

- where the hell did you find Top Pop??

- Wooh, was that all I did Saturday?

Answer: YUP!

Phase III: Summer Interns

Euphie is going to bag all of them.

Some dude who obviously had a girlfriend who he illegitimately broke up with for the summer, only after admitted that he was only attracted to her for her sex drive who I told numerous times I had a boyfriend.... he was still flirting....fricking douchebag.

aminem gets tea bagged by cultural ass sore, Sacha Baron Cohen....ha ha hilarious but still great!


When my roommate's ask how was this reason....I will be like ehhhhhh wink wink

Eminem gets TEA BAGGED!!!

Eminem is probably so frickin tight... classic Gen Y stuff LMAO

Even the Truth is a Lie

Truth: I have the exact change to pay for my fifth new pair of shoes in the last 30 days.

Lie: I just spent some of that money to climb my way out of debt.

Truth: I am a fashion student, has great style and many of my teachers say I have immense potential.

Lie: I am horribly lazy and has yet to receive an outstanding grade in any of my sewing classes.

Truth: I am a hustler and will find a way to find the money to find a way to entertain myself and get what I want.

Lie: Most of the time, that money comes from my mommy, my aunt, or my granny. So in reality, I am just spoiled and always think I should get what I want.

Truth: I have a very affectionate boyfriend who I see fairly often.

Lie: At this point, we break up everyday and I think he is quite over the relationship. There is a chance that I just verbally attack him and corner him into being with me.


Truth: My boyfriend loves me.

Lie: He also said he loved me, the exact same day he kissed a girl in his math class.

Truth: I get dressed everyday and go outside.

Lie: Most of the time, I am not going anywhere that I need to go.

Truth: I am young, beautiful, and stylish living in New York.

Lie: All of that does not equal half of the accomplishments many of peers have already achieved.

Nothing is as it seems, and sometimes a smile is masking a smirk. Sometimes love can be masking deceit. Sometimes we can overcompensate to distract from our shortcomings. I'm not exactly sure what everyone else's story is. Mine is of a little girl that never understands what is a truth and what is a lie. It's never that black and white........

Myabe the truth is a lie.

You Want to Know a Beautiful Song??

So I have never listened to more Day 26 than the last week. I have to commend Q and Dawn for putting together such honest lyrics with much sensuality..... Real love can be inspiring.




My wide eyes straight with red lines
Visions of me and you
Shattered in a day like broken glass


Perfectly blind (said i'm perfectly blind)
Perfectly blind (please somebody help me)
Perfectly blind (i need an answer)
Perfectly blind perfectly

Mind is worn heart is torn
Violently craving
A substitute for you (a substitute)

These eyes see darkness
These eyes see through
These eyes are begging
These eyes are you

Perfectly blind( perfectly blind)
Perfectly blind (oh)
Perfectly blind i don't know what i'm gonna do right now
Perfectly blind (said i am)

Would you take me as i am?
I'm just a scarred man
These hands need your guidance
Take me past my circumstance

Perfectly blind (blind)
Perfectly blind i cannot see anything when your around me
Perfectly blind (so blind)
Perfectly blind (so oh oh)

So blind so blind so blind so blind
But it's okay (but it's okay)
I wanna be lost in you (lost in you)
I wanna be lost in you
Feel free to lead me where ever you want me to go
And yes i'm going to follow (follow) oh oh



Cop that Day 26 "Forever in a Day"----Instant R&B classic.

Happy 4-20: Bob Marley. Damn didn't he sing about love??

The next chapter of my life has begun.

For better or for worse.

New place...(Them b*tches moved me GRRRRR)

No more boyfriend. He decided he was no longer in love....Day 26 is helping me through it.

::sigh::

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Well in my case, I can throw BANDAGE over myself and fake pretend like it doesn't eat me alive.
.... P.S. I hate you.

I have bags like Saturn rings around my eyes... Yes I cry and I'm not ashamed of it. (P.S. it's your fault)

Insomnia keeps my mind active....so does late night television. (P.S. you never watch T.V. with me)


Oh.

and.

AND.

And.

AnD.

P.S. I'm still not over you.

Question of the Day?

Who are you?

I know me.

But who are you??

When it Rains, it Pours

School:

5 classes

4 hours each

4 days a week...Monday through Thursday


Mother:

Pissed cause I failed a class.

Pissed me off.

Still tries to control every single aspect of my life despite the fact that life will deal me my consequences.

Cut me off. Great.

More stressful than helpful.

Remember that you birth me, I didn't birth you. ----Her exact words.

Him:

No trust.

Enough said.

Too many bullets hit me at one time.

Solo Dolo

As of today,

Guess what?

I am single. To be honest, my "relationship" was weaker than henny and water and I'm feeling like a waste of time. I had to admit that at one point, I was floating on a cloud of infatuation and true feelings. I have definitely come to a crossroads in life. I am no longer under that under the umbrella that comes with being someone. Yes, it is going to rain. I will cry, hell it hurts and I'm partially human. Strength in this sense was my weakness. I cannot accept weak game. I liked someone who was a compulsive liar, bit promiscous, and didn't have a clue about his own life. What did I really expect? Did I expect to turn an one night stand into a relationship. (Yeah I said it) Did I really expect to turn a random encounter with a stranger to turn into true love?? Honestly, I heard the words come out of my mouth and instantly was not sure if I meant it. Not that I didnt care but was it really that crucial? I dunno. I was sick and tired of being his girlfriend but the thought of him being with someone gets under my skin. But the interest was fading, the trust was dead. Kinda like my laptop that recently lost control of its hard drive. Trust is the hard drive to a "relationship" and ours was worthless. It was already cheap to begin with and now it finally has stopped beating. After an one hundred failed attempts, we have successfully broke up, (He dumped me) To no one's surprise, especially not mine. I really needed to let it go but that is something I don't do.


it's raining now but eventually the sun come out.

I'll shine eventually but my bulb has been blown out. lights out.

Let the Bandwagon Begin.......

SO......
I pride myself in my favorable music taste. I don't know how many times, I have quietly rocked to undiscovered music and the next week I see them on TV. That's when all the "Bandwagon" kids jump on it.....I hate that ish....anyways here is who I think is up next...........

Tabi Bonney

Hailing from Washington, D.C., his album, "A Fly Guy's Theme" was classic in my opinion. Homie has been on the circuit for a minute but never seemed to bust through. I mean people know that "Put Me in the Pocket" song, but that was wack. The album is straight out dope. He is definitely a spin off of the stylish, arrogant, fly ish that Kanye pushes but I respect him for staying Tabi. I love that it has an European theme, (he speaks french on some of the tracks). His delivery is mellow and monotone, while keeping the beat calm but colorful. But for those of you who have never seen him, he will be profiled next week on MTV2.

Tracks to look for:

Escalator
You
Crush

I really think that Pocket is was wack.

Cool and Fly....DOPE!!! Quoted it all summer.

I'm REALLY starting to STRONGLY NOT like this CREATURE

OK so Kanye West the human being, needs a lot of work because frankly his antics are starting to get under my skin. I have supported homie from day one but his overcooked "Muhammad Ali" speeches about how he is the greatest just makes me say "Gimme a break dude." I love his music, he truly makes Hip Hop an art form but "the greatest?", sorry my ninja I don't think so. Talented, gifted, and truly an artist. On the other hand arrogant, egostistical, and truly an asshole.....

Then again, he will just say that "He is the one to hate but I love what he makes.".....Got that damn right, that's why I illegally downloaded your album, :-).

Lol...love you Yeezy.

Heartbreak-----Dope.

Check this out!

Create A Playlist

Artist Profile: N.W.A.

Since my Ipod has officially become dysfunctional, I have been brought back to good ole compact discs and music streaming websites. In my journey of where am I musically, I decide to take a ride on the West Side. Now, The Chronic is still on regular rotation in my dorms but I wanted to go a little further back than that. I am a 90's baby (80's born 90's raised) to the depth but i'm still a hip hip head so the eighty eight is essential and no one bust through better than N.W.A. This group single handedly changed hip hop forever. No one had ever heard so much violence, aggression, blatant and upfront misogyny and all around honesty on record before. I mean Slick Rick told stories in Indian Girl and the Moment I Feared but those are clever and witty metaphors used as entertainment. N.W.A. flat out let you know what life was like for black people in the battlefield of California. Out of this great rap invention came rap legends like Ice Cube and Dre,who are still living legends and relevant in the game. Seriously,people sleep on Ice cube's tough lyrics....seriosuly Cube is the truth. Besides their honest and political approach to the young "nigga's " plight, there are hilarious studio tales too. Eazy-E was probably the funniest of them all, his "I Don't Give a F***" attitude made you just sit and wait for the next joke he would crack. For me, they remind of the guys around the way who would look out for me when I was growing up. Undeniably legends in hip hop.

F.Y.I. If I had some big speakers right now, I'd be bumping Dope Man....one of the illest West Coast beats ever.


P.S. I'm officially rocking the Polo Sweatshirts, skinny jeans and the high top Nike Air Assaults, and my gold name plate chain.

My Two Cents......

So......

Young Chris Breezy has just graduated from the Ike Turner Academy and went all Rambo on the Amazon woman we all know as Rihanna. Let me let you in on a little secret from an experienced player from way back. HE WAS DEAD WRONG!!!!....Yes. But I know first hand this situation (Like I literally went through the exact same ordeal. Y'all don't remember Thanksgiving '07?) and trust me he didn't hit her for know reason. For me, my Napoleon Complex used to give me unthinkable confidence when it came to my 6'1",220 lbs six pack having Brooklyn boyfriend. But I'm from the West Side of the Chi so he definitely wasn't going to punk me but he definitely left his mark. I can't believe seemingly sweet and slightly mannish Chris Brown decided to put his hands on her. Like what was he thinking?? But I also can't believe that he did it for no reason. This is not a situation where some psychotic dude decide to beat the hell out oh his girlfriend just for breathing. Women have to take their responsibility too. Yes, I too was a victim of domestic violence but I cannot lie and say sometimes I didn't hit him first. But men have to be stronger and be a real man and walk away when your woman decides to throw a temper tantrum. Like someone has to choose and decide to be right. So who's to blame....both of them. She should have known better than to let her anger get the best of her and Chris.....well Chris is learning a life lesson the hard way. I am really disappointed in these two, I never would've thought I would hear that something like this occured between the two of them. Here's a thought people, break up! These are two talented, hella attractive, rich, and charismatic people UNDER 21!!! Give me a break. Their lives are DEFINITELY NOT OVER...and truthfully speaking I don't believe neither are their careers. She needs to get that pretty face of hers back in shape. A little cocoa butter, ice, and A&D ointment will do the trick. Chris needs a serious damage control team, at first admitting his guilt and saying that he is sorry....further more they both need to tell the world what REALLY happened. I mean everyday the story gets stranger from the herpes to the bite marks to the mysterious texting woman. SMH, I wish the best of luck to these two because they both need Jesus. (I'm dead serious, God is trying to tell you something._

Bad Hair Day

 

Seriously.

AS young women, we have to take care of ourselves and love hard but trust lightly. I am an advocate for female sexuality but with that comes responsibility. We need to make sure that women are educated and aware that we are in control of our minds and bodies. YOU decide what you do with your body and what is DONE TO IT. Too many times, I have been sadden to hear that young (even worse black) men are taking advantage of girls, particularly young ones. Young women are being forced to perform acts that are against their will and better judgment. Young men are forcing themselves onto girls and are disrespecting our sisters. When did it becomes okay to hurt someone?? When did it become okay to take pleasure in someone being in pain? I remember LL Cool J writing about how that it isn't fucking cute to hurt a woman and stick your chest out like you have accomplished something. God forbid that the girl would've been your sister, your mother, hell even your daughter. There is an old saying that men only value the woman above him (his mother) and the woman below him (his daughter). I find this to be ironic. People say that chivalry is dead but plain out human and civil respect is dead. Being noble, being a man of your word, being loyal are no longer part of the male demographic. Since we are surely deprived of valuable male role models in our lives, we have to protect ourselves. Our fathers, brother, uncles, boyfriends are no longer concerned with us, it is time that we be responsibile for ourselves. Portray the woman that you want him to know you as, be respectful of yourself and if he doesn't respect you then he doesn't deserve to be in your life. Watch for warning signs of bitch behaviors like short tempers, homosexual tendencies and other suspicious activities. Protect yourself, get in the habit of practicing safe sex because STDs are real. I can't tell you how to conduct your personal life but anything you do, do it for you. Don't do it to please him (or her). Don't do it because it is common. I know I'm preaching a bit but I really want young girls to understand that we hold the power. I have been there, in situations where I have been influenced and ended up hurt. I'm sure every woman has but you make the difference. You are the difference. Someone will only do what you let them. And if you didnt let them, then there are ways to handle those situations. Love you sista.

OH YEAH and for my bitch niggas. out there; NO MEANS NO and STOP MEANS STOP.Anything after that is RAPE.

I urged all women if they are ever in a situation where they have been violated to seek immediate attention and help.

You're Not Alone


24 hour hotline and online help: 1.800.656.HOPE and www.rainn.org

Like Pac said Keep Ya Head up.

In the Last 24 hours, I have.......

So since the last time I was head over heels and got utterly crushed under the machine I have pretty much been closed. I have had setbacks, there were moments when I temporarily leaked feelings.

There was Jay, who i felt like was a God send, he was everything that Jerrell had failed to be. Above all things, he was beautiful and he was my friend. But his ambition is his first love and no amount of money he could give can replace time. I love him, always will but time is of the essence. There is nothing more important to me that time, my life revolves around it. I wish my Jellybean much love in L.A., and yes I considered leaving New York but to uproot my life for another man, well someone killed that option a long time ago.

So in the last 24 hours, I have slept in order to rush through time and hurry up and get the pain over with.

Amongst all my bad dates, it took a very confused young soul to make me realize that I was not the almighty Dallesia. For the most part, my looks were what seemesd to intrigue people but this was different. In this situation, I was altered mentally and had someone actually tap into who I was. Not since my beloved Dominic, had someone had the ability to finish my sentences and make me smile. But in my life, things of these sorts are too good to be true. At the end of the day, his girlfriend had his heart. In matters of the heart, the mind is irrelevant. I hate him for hurting my feelings but I love him for showing me that I still had them.

In the last 24 hours, I have thought about where we would have been in another life or another time.

So facebook peaked my curiousity when a certain Peter rabbit ran across my friend request box. Peter is like that Mars character in She's Gotta Have It, ironically a movie that we watched our first encounter. As a woman it is always the little things that count. His sincerity warms my heart. I don't know how many times he has reminded me that I am beautiful. I don't know how many times I have been having a horrid day and look down to see that he has wished me a good day. I cannot count how many times I'm wasting my time with someone who cannot even look me in the face and he sends me a smile. Sincere, that's him.

In the last 24 hours,I have had to learn to appreciate and realize what is obviously in front of my face.

Which brings me to the last of the last 24 hours,

To be continued...........................

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong ((Under the Sheets))

So I love B and yes I am a stan but I never buy those photos that catch her coming from ambiguous places. She looks all exfoliated and then applied at least one coat of foundation by then. Like she is beautiful beyond all means but we all have those days. Here's a reality, now this I mess with, this is probably the closest that any of her fans will ever get as to seeing the woman behind the machine.

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

Ok she may be the black magic woman ((men are never the same when they are with her i.e. Andre 3000)) but my homeskillet Erykah kept it dumb funky. LOL

Don't Talk to Strangers

One of the fascinations with a city like New York is the fact that this city is full of people. There are 8 million people here accompanied by 8 million unique stories. In my short time here I have seen and experienced things that may not have been possible in the safe haven that Chicago built for me. But in the process of experiencing life you can step on a few land mines. Liars, thieves, cheaters, con artists, addicts, bitches, hoes, tricks etc. As reserved and introverted as I am, I also realize that coming from Chicago (or just cause who I am), I value being "real". People may mistake my walk, my talk or my musical taste for a New Yorker but I definitely don't live that lifestyle. Due to the high crime rate and that all walks of life occupy this city, residences have adapted to that gritty mentality. That the world is shit...deal with it theory. The truth is that the world is shit but it's about what you build in "your" world that makes a difference. Yes I live in Brooklyn but I live in Dallesia's world and make my own rules. If I want to be a conniving no good bitch then I accept those consequences. But because I mainly choose to be genuine, I have to accept that I will be hurt because every one does not live in my world. Now don't get me wrong or be ill conceived, I definitely am playing the game. I still try my best to stay to the essence of what I was taught. The best part about it is with every day and every new experience I get better. Practice makes perfect. Yes I will be hurt because it has been proven that I have questionable taste in men and friends. But I like to look at is something is keeping me on my toes. So when my mind drifts off into Dallesia's land, something snaps me out of it and places me back in Brooklyn, USA. Will I ever stop being me? Hell no, I've tried and it failed because what is done in the dark will come to light. I will say that I am 10 different things to 10 different people. So at the end of the day, what YOU decide to do to me will determine which person you get to know.

"I was told by a chief it's the games nature. When you're glowin' some will love and some will hate ya. It's real people."- Common


"When you've had filet mignon, it's kind of hard to go back to Hamburger Helper. It's your choice though baby. "--Jay-Z

I prefer the phrase, "All is fair in love and war."

At the end of the day, below the surface a person is a person. Be careful where you leave your feelings as a person and be even more cautious as who comes behinds you and pick them up.

In honor of the Miss America Pageant, "I just want world peace."

Peace and love

"MILK" in my Coffee

Today has been set aside to honor the memory of one of America's beloved leaders, Dr. Martin Luther King. A man that became a beacon of hope and humanity for all people of this great nation. In light of his courage and sacrifice, we honor him every year by preserving his memory and legacy.






This weekend I had the chance to see an awesome biopic on the life of Harvey Milk. The movie was brilliantly led by (in my opinion) of the greatest actors of all time, Sean Penn. The movie is based on the rise of the gay movement's own "Dr. King", Harvey Milk. He became the first openly gay man to be elected to public office. I became familiar with the story through an informative VH1 (yes VH1 can be educational) documentary "Sex: The Revoluton" and I was instantly amazed by his perserverance. He fought to uphold the human rights of gay people and fought for their dignity. For that he is an American hero.







{{Harvey Milk was gunned down on November 27, 1978 by former City Supervisor Dan White.}}

Notorious

Earlier, I urged people to go check out Notorious, a film based on the life of Notorious B.I.G., and I hope this weekend you managed to get a ticket. In New York, tickets have consistently sold out every day this weekend, especially in Brooklyn. What can I say Biggie loved New York and everyone went out to support their slain king. Overall, the cinematography was pretty impressive and the acting wasn't half bad. As for Jamal Woodard's portrayal of Biggie, I was impressed. He does not have the style and swagger of BIG (no one does) but he brought a human factor to the larger than life rapper. He was able to convey the wit and humor that people who knew BIG knew first hand. Antonique Smith, Naturi Naughton, Derek Luke and Angela Bassett were great supporting actors. I wasn't really in love with Anthony Mackie's portrayal of Tupac. I have studied these characters since childhood and is an official fanatic when it comes to Biggie and Pac, I didnt find any real connection between him and Pac. Also, the timeline of events in the movie were slightly altered for dramatic effect. I give it a complete and solid 4 out 5 stars.

FYI, I did go see it in Brooklyn (in my mink) and it was a beautiful thing. One guy suggested that this could be seen on bootleg. His friend responded with, "Nah this is Brooklyn, I'm supporting this."

P.S. the box office sales are going to be bananas, "We did it, Brooklyn we did it."

A Yacht and a Sailboat (Part Deux)

So it's 5:30 a.m. and I am awaken by a ring from my phone. Remember that friend I
told you about who had that little sailboat (maybe not little) situation, well apparently the plot thickens.

Ok, I totally do not encourage entering relationships with strangers but it gets boring in the winter time. To be honest, the situation should have been squashed after not one but two rounds of disappointing sex. Samantha said it best on Sex and the City, "Do me bad once shame on you, do me bad twice shame on me." But my friend is a bit of a hopeless romantic, so the whole boyfriend character was right up her alley. From my understanding she likes him but he is annoying as hell, not to mention lies so much. Like dude really must have self esteem issues because she can't even socialize without him claiming that he with some bitch in an attempt to make her jealous. I hate when dudes play with that spiteful ish, with me that is only adding fuel to the fire. Challenge me and I will raise you double. But like I said, my friend is a little more understanding. But when a so-called "relationship" is a headache after a few weeks, it is clearly a waste of time. I give it to her, she has more patience that I ever had. The fact that she even entertained this DV character, who has apparent bitch characteristics, is respectable. If you ask me, the ninja is a little suspect, pretty boys be on the DL these days. (He had questionable taste in sexual activity or so I've heard)

I never doubt that she truly liked him but little boys demand a lot of time, which is impossible when you have another life. Between school, family and trying to figure out which guys is right for her, she has very little times to play games. Let me explain something about me and my friends, we can be wifey material and still juggle more than one priority at a time. You can not put all your marbles in one barrel or bet it all on one, not a safe bet. The chances of him turning out to be more than what he looks like was a crap shoot. Maybe there is depth, maybe not.

The call was interesting, she seemed a little shaken up and confused. As I listen to her explain the past few weeks, I felt for her. I know firsthand what it feels like to try to make something work when the truth is that maybe it's not meant to be. The coward had nerve enough to text her that he was "done". I told her that no one wants anyone to call their bullshit card (which she had done on Friday) and that was probably what caused his bitchassness. He must've really gotten in somewhere because she was upset. But hey you live, you love, and sometimes you learn. I gave her some encouraging words explaining she really wasn't enriching her life by playing games with him. I mean dude couldn't hold an adult or intelligent conversation, his "D" game was officially wack, and he wasn't really doing much to inspire her. She explained that he was cute and she was bored, a lethal combination. I don't want to seem like a male basher, trust me as an official player I never hate, but homie needs work. His first mistake was even going there with her. Don't gas anyone up, like why lie? She is sweet but not necessarily someone to try to run game on. None of us are rookies at this point, please come correct. I respect game, I can't respect someone conducting themselves in a trick manner. "Oh what a tangle web we weave when we conspire to deceive." Apparently, he took advantage of the fact that she like him so she tolerated his BS tactics. (You wonder they call you bitch.....smh)

Hopefully, they will work it out because I really don't want this to break her spirit. My girl is a bit of a firecracker and is one flame away from going off. But if it really is done, then I recommend that she take one dose of Biggie's "Another" mixed with Kim's verse in "Get Money" and get the eff over it. Smh....I'm so tired of hearing about this boy but hey I would've risk a few hurt feelings for a little rendezvous. I knew he wasn't ish but I try to be optimistic that guys will be for real.(Yes, even I can be a hopeless romantic)

I'm impatient and slightly jaded which may mean that once my limbs become parallel, I'm done. Like Pac said, "Bury me a G."

Note: Got to be careful out here. Trust all instincts and intuition, they are never wrong.

Peace....B.

{{Refer to the previous Yacht and Sailboat post for the complete story}}

((EFF))) TMOBILE!!!!!

Anyone who has T Mobile knows that they are a worthless sack of caca phone service. I love my Sidekick, always have and I'm a paying customer BUT that does not leave me immune to those trumped up charges. If it wasn't for my Sidekick, I would've told them to kiss my ass. First of all, reception frickin' sucks and I drop calls all the damn time. Then they overcharge me and their customer service reps are beyond rude and ill equipped to answer any questions. Uuuggh!!! Never again. They can take this cancellation fee and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I'm done.

Note: I'm selling my Sidekck...(again)

Winter Vacay

So......

10 things I did this WTR Break:

1. Thanks to my Cow, I modeled sneakers.

2. Cut off contact with my ex and then got a new BF (technically)

3. Partied.... (Ummm hellz yeah)

4. Got kissed by a girl (and fondled)... (No I did not respond, I walked away)

5. Listened to my little brother discuss "Gold" wrappers (awkward)

6. Got another haircut.

7. Re-established friendship with my "buddy"... (we're keeping it PG)

8. Drank enormous quantities of liquor ( refer to #3 and #4)

9. Fell in love with my little cousin (Vallesia Darriana Richardson born April 27th, 2006)

10. Had a blast not doing anything but be myself.

LMAO....BTB in action

So my good my pal, Naiquan , reminded me of my carefree summer moments hanging out in the warm streets of Chicago. ::sigh:: Oh those summer nights. Im an adult now, my summers will consist of slave labor attached to substandard pay linked to a little ass kissing (better known as internships). C'est la vie.

ALERT: CURRENT ARTIST IS M.I.A

Ok I love this girl but I don't know where the hell she went or what side of the earth she fell off of. The album was nice, she is beautiful and had a really different sound (think Santogold with a Soul/R&B twist). Where are you Res??

DISCLAIMER: ALL BLACK AND LATINO MEN DON'T LET NOKIA GET YOU ((EFFED)) UP

The Nokia Glock

This is merely a way to get Black people shot by the cops. A gun cell phone?? Word??

Random

B.I.G. is making this cream
Bitches always say what the hell does that mean?
B is for the bitches, who can't understand
How one fly nigga became a man
I is for the way it goes in and out
One by one I knocks em out
G is for the way the game goes in the gutter
Other MC's man they ain't sayin nuthin
Rockin on, to the break of dawn
Meet the bitch get the pussy get the mouth I'm gone

What?
It ain't no more to it

{{Notorious B.I.G.---Life After Death---B.I.G. Interlude}}

Hot N Cold

You know how you could be sitting thinking about something an all of a sudden something comes on T.V. explaining everything. So, I'm sitting at my laptop wondering what the hell is wrong with me and this boy when I turn on the T.V. and stop at MTV Hits. Like magic, here comes Katy Perry's video for her song Hot N Cold. Internally, I want to be serious but I just get a feeling that something is not authentic. For one, it is very hot and cold, one minute we're hot then the next minute I'm turned off. Who knows where this is leading to. I just hope for the best but is mos def prepared for the worst.

{{Katy Perry is a breakthrough pop artist famous for her hit single "I Kissed A Girl"}}

Urgent!!!

So Friday, January 16th, 2009, the movie Notorious will be released in theaters across America. The film is about the life of one of the greatest rappers of all time and the ORIGINAL King of New York, the Notorious B.I.G. The film ambitiously cast Jamal Woodard in the lead role. I get the point, physically he is Biggie but I won't make complete judgment til I see the movie. Although after seeing the previews, I have high hopes for Derek Luke's (Antwone Fisher) portrayal of Sean "Diddy" Combs. I'm still not sold on Naturi Naughton (3LW) as Lil Kim, but like I had said I will wait and see. Also, Angela Bassett will play the role of Voletta Wallace, Biggie's mother.

My biggest struggle is whether to go see it in Brooklyn, do it up BK Bed-Stuy style in honor of the late great Frank White. But I know ninjas are going to try and act a damn fool. I'm never in the mood to deal with ignorant ish, I actually want to be able to see it in peace. I might just have to pay that twelve dollars twice: Once for the experience and once to actually see the movie.

Either way it goes I am happy to see the celebration of such a great life and a musical genius. I mean for you crank ass rap fans who think rappers now have "swag", well here's who reinvented it for his generation.

We did it Brooklyn we did it. - Biggie

Artist Profile: N.E.R.D.

In my fragile musical state (My Ipod erased errything I had), I am (re)discovering
bands that I have overlooked to make room for new music. Like I love music with all my heart and I'm an official hip head (try me, so I get in modes and sometimes abandon and neglect certain music for a period of time. On my journey, I have blew the dust off of my N.E.R.D. joints and have completely fell in love all over again. It's like when you get divorced and remarried. From Rockstar to Baby Doll to Run to the Sun or the entire Seeing Sounds album, I am completely in an ethereal wasteland. It reminds me of high school when I hung out with a "Downtown" sorta crowd and listened to 70's rock. N.E.R.D. is nothing more than the musical stylings of say Heart mixed with the B Boy style of Special ED. Plus Pharrell is the epitome of the type of guy I'm looking for at the present moment. So if he is on the other side of the door then I will join "ALL THE GIRLS STANDING IN THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM"

Blogger's Note:

I realized that in the process of expressing myself, I can be very cruel to the people that are my subjects. Unless, it is something positive, I try to stay away from real names but I'm sure the people in my life can decipher who I am talking about. My purpose is not to expose anyone but to simply entertain and be able to express thoughts that I usually keep to myself. This Barbie character and Dallesia are not the same person. But I do feel it is my responsibility to take into account people's feelings and reactions. It's just a blog. I always "got a story to tell" and I'm happy to tell it but sometimes it is at the expense of some people's feelings. I don't ever regret anything I say because these are real situations and emotions but I know it probably feels different on the other side of the computer screen.....and for that I apologize.

Sincerely,
Dallesia Payton

A Yacht and a Sailboat

As a young woman of a certain age and that's post puberty, I hear a lot of stories about young men. I mean it's no secret that women talk (obsess) about men but the greatest component of these talks are the radical discussions about sex. I hate that even after the Sex and the City era, it is still taboo for women to talk about sex. Let me explain and make it clear to the simpler species (particularly men and church ladies) that you are being reviewed everytime you decide to lay down with a person. Satisfactory, unsatisfactory, jack rabbit, tongue thruster, etc.; it's a reputation that can follow you forever. Be safe, be smart, be conscious, and be aware that if you did not put out your best, she told her girlfriends.

Let me tell you a story,

One lazy Saturday in Times Square, a young aspiring social decided to browse the $10 music shelves at a quite popular music venue. Not expecting to be bothered, she was approached by what she believed to be a teenager, turned out it was an employee. Off the bat, she knew that there was little monetary value in this little fellow but in desperate need of new conquest, she decided to do the unthinkable. Never does she ever give out the mainline, people stalk these days, but give him her number she did. She left feeling as if he would be cool as long as he kept his mouth shut. What was the purpose of him speaking? He would have been better off handing her a business card with his measurements and the results of his last clinic visit. This is New York, you never know, especially someone that is fresh off the immigration boat. But I digress.......

One afternoon over lunch, she explained to me that she got a strange text from this DV character. First of all, he waited two days which is like the oldest trick in the book. But tricks are for kids and this was definitely a kid. Anywayz, this DV character was a little devoid of personality but like I said who was thinking about talking. I understand where she was coming from, it was winter and that is an excellent way to accumulate heat. Plus, we were all trying to get it all in before we returned to the cornfields of the Midwest. I will say that there is something in the water in New York. Days later, a few texts turned into a few AIM conversations which turned into an awkward sleepover. So this DV character, seemed to be a yacht sailing on the Carribean breeze. It was like getting the my size Barbie doll on Christmas when every other girl got the regular doll. I was happy for her (and slightly jealous), she had found a true gem.

So........

Due to the fact that anything flying out of the New York had been pathetically delayed, I, like her, was stuck in Brooklyn for the remainder of the weekend which was the cherry on top of my Sunday. I was ready to leave behind my semester that consisted of a twisted menage a trois (metaphorically speaking) that I had participated in unwillingly. But at least, she would have time to play her new toy, some girls always seem to get so lucky. So while I was toasting to my final days of 2008 that I spent in New York, she was contemplating another rendezvous on the Caribbean Sea. I cheered her on, I encourage all exploitation of male sexuality. When she gets there, she would experience something that happens to eighty percent of women in their lifetime.

So this DV character lives in Brooklyn, Brooklyn boys have a reputation for talking shit. It is a crap shoot as to whether it turns out to be as good as they say it is. But considering he isn't really from Brooklyn, the offer seemed authentic. I was skeptical but I would never discourage anyone from getting the cutty, I'm never a player hater. But I will say I had my doubts. Who wants to take the subway at 1:00 in the morning? But we have all been there at least once. She gets there and awkward cannot even begin to describe the tension in the air. TO make this long story short, he pops this "official" bullshit. I guess to get in but that shit played out with incents. She entertains him, you want to say anything that will keep his flag swaying in the wind. She prepares herself for a long trip on his yacht. (Sorry that was the best metaphor I could give) Unfortunately, this trip was a little shorter than she had expected.

It starts to get hot and heavy, the yacht was just starting to pull out of the dock. the breeze was beautiful and she moved her body to the rhythm of the yacht. Just as she got into the groove, this two bit negro woke her up out of her pleasant dream. Turns out his cruise ship was simply a sailboat. Like this imposter couldn't even put in a good ten minutes before he was ready to roll his lazy ass over and go to sleep. Appalled and a little freaked out, she called me and I was disgusted. Now I believe in working with anyone but something like that can only be fixed with that little blue pill. Goddamn, he was only 19, apparently his junk was aging in dog years. Is this what the world has come to?? A world where guys that are barely out of puberty cannot even put in a decent amount of work. Poor thang, he was a fraud, a simple case of false advertisement. He should have labeled himself. WARNING: THIS APPEARS TO BE BETTER THAN IT IS. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

Effing imposter, smh, this really is a recession. Damn a girl cannot even depend on a good late night gentleman call. Damn shame, he didn't even get it out the gate. The worst part is that he blamed it on nerves. I wanted to be supportive but deep inside I was dying laughing. This young black Carribean man had zero game and used the oldest lines in the book. He had more excuses than a pregnant lesbian on Maury. Apparently Brooklyn doesn't always go hard.

Note to Self: Never pick up weird employees in a music store in Times Square. SMH

"He had a yacht with sailboat potential."